A Useful Guide to Understanding Your Friendly Pole Dancer

There have been a few of those Shit Pole Dancers Say videos going around lately (including one we made at the Pole Dance Academy). It got me thinking about how united we are worldwide in our weird pole dancer quirks. So I thought I would put together a little guide of essentials to understanding the ins and outs of pole dancers. Enjoy :-)

Tip 1: Must Love Cats
It seems that every second pole dancing clip on YouTube features a kitty cat swirling in between the ankles of her pole dancing mum. The pole dancer's kitty is usually staunchly opposed to pole dancing, especially when it steals attention away from more pressing demands, such as tending to the kitty's needs. More proactive kitties also engage the "pounce and attack" technique while mum is mid-swing through the air, in an attempt by the kitty to redirect attention away from the pole and back to its furry little self. NB: if this is a technique your kitty uses, take advantage of it by blaming the kitteh for your failure to make your phoenix. Miaow.


Tip 2: Must be on Facebook/Youtube
If a pole dancer deadlifts and no one on Facebook sees it, does she make a sound? Who knows, who cares - what's important is that if you don't post about it or boast about it on Facebook, it never happened.

Tip 2: The Polegasm 
Polegasm (noun): a series of intensely pleasurable waves throughout the entire body that a pole dancer experiences when achieving a difficult move for the first time. Multiple polegasms are known to occur if the move is new, or if a group of pole dancers are present to witness the event. The best way to prolong the polegasm experience is to post about it on Facebook (see Tip 2).

This term I believe was originally coined by Ms Billie of Sydney, Australia, and we thank her for so succinctly describing what we have all experienced.

Tip 3: The Pole Crush
The Pole Crush is a phenomenon commonly experienced by most, if not all, pole dancers. It consists of unreasoning devotion bordering on stalker-like behaviour, and is a typical reaction to close contact with any of the following pole dancer specimens:

• Jenyne Butterfly
• Felix Cane
• Alethea Austin
• Zoraya Judd
• Oona Kivela
• Natasha Wang
• Anastasia Skukhtorova
• Alesia Vazmitsel
• Jamilla Deville
• Amber Ray
• Marlo Fisken
• Pantera
• Fawnia Dietrich
• And so on.

The list of potential Pole Crush Objects is longer than that set out above, and highly individual. Symptoms of Pole Crush include: inane and uncontrollable giggling, blushing, tendency to say stupid things (or, worse, complete inability to say or do anything at all, other than dumbstruck goldfish-like gawping), insistence on being photographed with the Pole Crush Object (no matter how sweaty and dishevelled you look after a long workshop), paying ridiculous amounts of money for the privilege of looking uncoordinated in workshops with the Pole Crush, dying of happiness when the Pole Crush likes one of your facebook posts... and many more. 

To date, no known cure is available for the Pole Crush. 

Tip 4: Must Have Highly Developed Stalker Abilities
Your average pole dancer knows more about other pole dancers living in other countries than s/he knows about their next door neighbour. Pole dancers have stalking abilities that would impress an FBI agent. I bet you can pass the following quiz easily, without even having to check:

1. Alethea Austin's favourite drink?
2. Felix Cane's signature tattoo?
3. Jenyne Butterfly's city of residence?
4. Zoraya Judd's husband's name?
5. The name of your Pole Crush's pet? 

Tip 4 is essential in satisfying your obligations under Tip 3. 

Tip 5: Must Have an Encyclopaedic Knowledge of Every Pole Move Performed Since the Dawn of Time

I bet you can remember who first performed the Spatchcock, and who is responsible for the Deville/Jade split, even if you have trouble remembering your own phone number or your dad's birthday.

Tip 6: Fiercely held Pole Principles

The pole dancer has his/her beliefs, and will stick to them, no matter how persuasive your arguments. These include:

1. Pole dancing should ALWAYS be done in stripper shoes.
2. Pole dancing should NEVER be done in stripper shoes.
3. Gymnastics has no place in pole dance. 
4. Contemporary dance has no place in pole dance.  
5. Stripper style dance is superior.
6. Stripper style dance is the history of pole dance. Contemporary pole is the future. 
7. You're not a "real dancer" if you only have pole training. 
8. Pole should be in the Olympics.
9. Pole should NEVER be in the Olympics!
10. Boys should be welcomed. 
11. NO BOYS!!! Well, maybe only gay boys. Maybe. If they behave. 

So on some topics, we're as conflicted as we are united on others. Fortunately, it seems we're all ok with agreeing to disagree. For now. 

Tip 7: A Rose by Any Other Name...

Pole dancers experience a sense of smug satisfaction when they discover what their pole friends' real names are... Wait, you mean to say that her mother didn't have the foresight to actually name her Crystal Light Rainflower?? Her real name is Gertrude Richardson?? Wow. 

Tip 8: Irrational distrust of all other forms of exercise

By and large, pole dancers tend to resist fiercely all other forms of exercise, including running, going to the gym, and anything that involves cardio, really. But that's only because all forms of physical exertion other than pole dance are well known to be inferior and not worthy of our time. 

Tip 9: The Pole Nemesis

The Pole Nemesis is the antithesis to the Pole Crush. The Pole Nemesis is that one pole dancer in your studio, a different studio, or even in a different country, who just bugs you for no apparent reason. If great care is not taken, the pole dancer can become convinced that everything the Pole Nemesis does is intentionally done just to bug the pole dancer. There is no rational foundation for this condition, and as with Tip 3, there is no known cure. 

Tip 10: Drunk pole dancing in public 

While sober, pole dancers will try to eliminate the possibility of drunken pole dancing in public ("alcopoling") by employing one of the following strategies while dressing for a night out:

1. wearing stockings;
2. wearing long pants;
3. wearing a g-string so skimpy that even when drunk the pole dancer will be less inclined to invert publicly;
4. publicly stating that certain venues with poles are off-limits.

Of course, after a few drinks are consumed, stockings/pants come off, full briefs are borrowed from friends, and prior statements retracted - woohoo let's climb those poles, biatchezzzz!!! Yeeeehaaaa!!

Drunk pole dancing in public is always followed by a bout of Public Pole Dancer's Remorse the next day. Unfortunately the intensity of the remorse is never sufficient to prevent future incidents of Drunk Pole Dancing in Public.

Miscellaneous Tips
Your pole dancer is also likely to:

• be intensely proud of his/her bruises;
• want to climb street signs and be photographed doing so;
• challenge boys in bars to push up contests;
• have the disgusting habit of peeling callouses in public;
• own a large collection of dress shorts;
• shudder when s/he estimates how much of his/her income is spent on pole dancing;
• justify that it's much better to spend money on pole dancing than on alcohol and drugs;
• know exactly what s/he is looking for in the crotch of a pair of knickers; and
• plan significant life events and holidays around important dates in the pole calendar; and
• be able to walk, dance and run in stripper heels, but struggle to stay upright in regular high heels.  

So there you have it - a few tips on understanding the Pole Dancer. Please feel free to add your own below :-)

Shimmy xx

On being a feminist and a pole dancer

I am a feminist. And a pole dancer. To many people, this statement may seem to be a contradiction in terms, but it's not. It may be a little tricky to explain, and a little different from the standard views of what feminism is all about, but nonetheless, it is possible to be a feminist pole dancer. It's a topic I've dwelt on for a long time now, and I think I'm finally ready to share my views. Deep breath. 

I first began to think about the happy coexistence of my feminism and pole dancing about a year ago, when a local newspaper did a story on my studio. The article focused on a competition I was about to compete in, and on how pole dance was becoming more popular as a form of fitness. The article was accompanied by photos of me doing my thing on the pole. A few weeks later, there was an article in another newspaper about a Lynx publicity stunt involving bikini-clad girls in hot tubs in the city (or something like that). Under the article, there was the following reader comment:

"ah yes...objecting to women's being objectifed because we're 'just jealous'.

Just the other week there was an article in the Wenworth Courier about a woman named Michelle Shimmy who teaches pole dancing and has recently won a competition in this art. There were numerous pictures of her in a skimpy costume performing some fairly graphic moves on a pole.

The article also stated that she was a full time lawyer when not teaching or performing pole dancing.

I just don't know what to think about this. I am so confused, and for some reason I could not just let it go, it;s been bugging me....of course, because I am a lawyer too, friends said I had problems with it because I can't also turn men on and am not a pretty girl doing crazy sexy pole dancing, "Just jealous", If she had been doing those same moves in a gynmastics competition in a leotard I think I would have been utterly awestruck but somehow, seeing her in a sequin bikini and the whole 'I'm a lawyer too!' thing seemed impossibly cheap and nasty, despite the skill involved. Whether you like it or not pole dancing's origins are in the sexual titilation field. Anyway I admit to having been very conflicted over this piece of news.

woman | "

Reading this comment surprised me for a number of reasons. Firstly, because the writer uses me as an example to back up her arguments about what "objectification of women" means, in her view. Even though she's never taken one of my classes, never been to one of my shows, or even met me (as far as I'm aware). 

The next thing that struck me about her comment was her obvious confusion and inability to process what she sees as two conflicting and mutually exclusive types of people: the lawyer and the pole dancer. In other words, lawyer = good, moral person, pole dancer = bad, immoral person. How can the two possibly coexist in one single being? Reading her comment, you can almost hear her brain straining as she tries to imagine such an oxymoron. 

The writer of the comment obviously found the sequined bikini offensive. Which made me wonder which part was more offensive, the sequins, or the bikini? She says that if I had have been wearing a gymnastics leotard, it would have been ok, and she would have been "awestruck." As rhythmic gymnasts' leotards are often sparkly and sequined, I assume that she must be ok with that. So is it the bikini? I wonder, how does she feel about female competitors in beach volleyball, or triathlons, or even female tennis players on hot days? Maybe it's the combination of the sparkles and the bikini that was too much for her.  I hope she doesn't live near Bondi Beach. Or Oxford Street. And for God's sake, keep her away from the streets of Rio de Janeiro at Carneval time! 

The next thing I found interesting was this: 

seeing her in a sequin bikini and the whole 'I'm a lawyer too!' thing seemed impossibly cheap and nasty, despite the skill involved.

Ouch... I still wince when I read that. At first, I wanted to interpret that to mean that in her view, the fact that I'm a lawyer had cheapened the otherwise beautiful display of dance and art for her. But I know that it was the other way around. In her eyes, pole dancers are cheap and nasty, but lawyers aren't (even though I'm sure many people out there would disagree with that!).

Ahem. Lawyers vs pole dancers. Let me put it this way: over the years I have met many pole dancers, male and female (but mostly female), who have inspired me with their dedication, support for each other, strength, passion, grace, beauty and plain old commitment to hard work, in spite of the pain and the injuries. I can't say the same for most of the lawyers I have met (no offence to the good ones I know!).  

Finally, her comment that:

Whether you like it or not pole dancing's origins are in the sexual titilation field. Anyway I admit to having been very conflicted over this piece of news.

As a matter of fact, I do like it that the origins of pole dancing are in the "sexual titilation field" (sic). I have no problem with the sensuality or even sexuality common to many pole dance performances, for the same reason I don't see a problem with belly dance, tango, samba, salsa, zouk, contemporary dance, burlesque etc. They are all expressions of human emotion and feeling, and as a lover of dance and performance, I love it all. I think if anyone were to suggest that tango was disgusting because of its origins, or because of its blatant sensuality, they would be laughed at. I have always wondered, would pole dance be less offensive to its decriers if the same moves were performed by a man and a woman together, as in adagio? Or a man on his own? If so, is the real reason why it makes some people so uncomfortable is that it's a woman expressing sensuality on her own? 

It would probably surprise the writer of the comment to learn that the overwhelming majority of attendees at pole dance competitions and performances are women. The men who are there are usually the partners of the women coming to watch. Of course, some men go on their own or with their mates, either out of interest, or to enjoy watching a woman dance on a pole in a skimpy outfit. But, writer of the comment, before you cry "A-ha! I knew it! See, men enjoy watching pole dancing, therefore it must objectify women and be bad!", let me point out that no one tries to use that argument about trapeze artists, gymnasts, contortionists, or contemporary dancers. A recent Sydney Dance Company production had its performers dancing in skin-coloured costumes that made them look naked. You didn't see the audience shuffling in from a dimly lit side entrance, embarrassed to look at each other. In that context, it seems it's perfectly fine to admit that you enjoy watching a toned and sculpted body dance onstage for your pleasure. Because it's art. So that makes it ok to look, and to admit that you like what you see. 

The fact that heterosexual men may enjoy watching a pole dance performance I give for its sex factor doesn't bother me. Same as it hasn't bothered me when I've performed for a lesbian crowd. I don't think there is anything wrong with human sexuality or sensuality, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying watching expressions of human sexuality and sensuality on stage. No one is forcing me or my fellow pole dancers to do what we do - we enjoy it and we enjoy the fact that other people enjoy it. In any event, after pretty well every single performance I have ever done, the comments I've received afterwards from male members of the audience are mostly about how much strength we pole dancers must have to be able to do what we do (mostly ;-) ).

But sensual pole dance is only one style of pole dance. There are many others - circus, acro, tricks based, contemporary, lyrical, theatrical... you are limited only by your imagination (which is quite limiting for some people, it seems).  

As for her claim that pole dancing objectifies women and therefore women should not pole dance, this is not the first time that I've been confronted with this argument. I've given it a fair amount of thought, to try to identify more clearly why it is that this argument bothers me so much.

And I've finally figured it out: if you can't watch a display of athleticism, strength, flexibility and sensuality without perceiving the dancer as an object, then you're the one with the problem, not us. We don't need to stop what we're doing because it makes you face your own views of what "good girls" should and shouldn't do, or because it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you don't like it, don't watch it. That's fine. But if you haven't watched it or tried it, then maybe you shouldn't be judging it, or us.

For me, feminism is about empowering women to be free in our choices of what we want to do with our lives, and how we want to express ourselves. It's not about telling other women what they can and can't do. There may well be situations where for some women, pole dance is inextricably linked with stripping, which for them is oppressive. However, there are plenty of women who pole dance and even strip out of their own free will, and enjoy it. We should be focusing our efforts fighting the agents that create situations of oppression for women, rather than an activity that many people healthily enjoy for many different reasons.  

A final comment: it is very rare for female strength to be celebrated. Most girls and women just want to be thin, and think that that is the only way to be attractive. Pole dance requires a phenomenal amount of strength, flexibility, stamina and endurance. Let's recognise pole dancers for their skill and ability, and stop putting them down. It's pretty clear to me that the people who claim to have moral objections to pole dance need to examine more closely their own hang-ups and views about what women should and shouldn't do.

Rant over. Ahhhh..... That feels better :-)

Shimmy xx

Engagement parties, weddings, baby showers and pole dancing

Engagement parties, weddings, baby showers and international pole dancing competitions... one of these things is definitely not like the others.

There are certain events that occur in most people's lives that are traditionally celebrated as important milestones. Significant birthdays, engagements, weddings, baby showers, the baby's arrival, the christening, first birthday, wedding anniversaries etc. I'm at the age when most of my (non-pole dancing) friends have either already ticked off a number of these milestones, or are well on their way to doing so. Whenever I go to one of these events to celebrate a life achievement with one of my friends, I always think of that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie's shoes go missing at a friend's party.

(In case you haven't seen it, here's a quick synopsis - when leaving the party at her friend's house, Carrie is devastated to find her expensive shoes are not where she left them. After much hinting on Carrie's part, the friend reluctantly offers to replace them, but then baulks when Carrie tells her how much they cost. The friend shames Carrie for spending so much money on the shoes. Carrie sits down and calculates how much she has spent on gift-giving over the years to celebrate the friend's life choices, and realises it is a small fortune. Carrie decides to announce she is engaged to herself, and sends the friend her bridal registry - with one item only on it: the shoes she lost. The friend, taking Carrie's point, obliges. Carrie is happy).


I'm reminded of this episode because sometimes I feel a bit like Carrie at these sorts of celebrations. So far, I've resisted the urge to travel down the well-trodden path of betrothal and procreation. Even though I've been with my partner for 8 years now, we remain unmarried and baby-free (much to my grandmother's sorrow). It's not that I'm opposed to marriage and babies, quite the opposite in fact - I'm the first to cry at weddings and I adore children and can't wait to be asked to babysit my friends' rug-rats. I don't know that I will ever get married, but one day in the more distant future I probably will have kids (but I'm not making any definitive statements -  after all, motherhood is often only one careless boozy night away...).

But back to the title of this blog post. Being an unwedded non-breeder has started to make me feel like a bit of a black sheep in certain social settings, particularly when people ask me what I've been up to lately.  I've noticed that my announcements ("I'm going to the World Pole Championships! We came third! I'm going to the IPC in Hong Kong! I did a fun show at a gay and lesbian nightclub the other night with one of my male pole dancer friends - and we rocked it!) seem to make some people feel a bit uncomfortable. More often than not, the reaction seems to be a few awkward sideways glances, a tight smile, and a change of subject.

Certainly, you can't compare the significance of the arrival of new life on this planet with a pole competition or performance. And publicly announcing that you are tying your life and fortunes to your loved one in marriage is also a big deal (but I will point out that in the time I've been with my boyfriend, I've seen relationships begin, marriages take place, and divorce papers filed, so... ummm.... ahem).

I just want to say that even though I don't have any rings on my fingers, bells on my toes or buns in the oven, things still happen to me that are important to me. When my friends say to me "We're getting married!", I reply "Oh my goodness! That's wonderful!", and dammit - I want the same reaction when I announce "I came second in a competition for my booty shaking pole show!" (after all, I'm sure anyone who's tried both will tell you booty shaking combined with pole is a LOT harder than getting knocked up).

Or maybe I'm just taking the wrong approach. Maybe what I need to do is to take a leaf out of Carrie's book, and start throwing myself afternoon tea parties or cocktail soirees every time something I consider to be a significant milestone event for me occurs. I'm laughing to myself now even as I think about the invitations:

Fiona and David would be delighted to have the pleasure of your company to celebrate their daughter Shimmy's winning of the Miss Pier Hotel competition, for her spectacularly saucy performance to Lithium by Nirvana. The crowd went wild and so will you when she does a repeat performance for you. RSVP essential. Dress: Cocktail. Registry details are available at David Jones.   

I wonder if anyone would come???

Shimmy xx

PS Lou Lou I know you and Dee would come. Love you xxx

Your boyfriend must love it that you're a pole dancer...

If I had a dollar for every time someone has said "your boyfriend must LOVE it that you're a pole dancer," I'd have.... well, probably only around 80 bucks, but that's still enough to put it up there as one of the most common things people say to pole dancers, along with the time-honoured classic "hey baby, you can dance on my pole!"


I'm sure people imagine that going out with a pole dancer guarantees you wild, contortionist sex and private dances on demand. Maybe it is like that for some pole dancers. Maybe other pole dancers don't drag themselves through the front door after a class or performance, limping, smelling a little sweaty, make up smudged, false eyelashes a bit wonky, and either demand a deep tissue massage or go straight to the freezer for an ice pack. Maybe other pole dancers come home and put their cute pole costumes to good use, by pouncing on their partner in a frenzy of sexual pole dancer energy.


But I'm going to come clean here, in the interest of honest blogging, and put it out there: my boyfriend hates pole dancing.


It's not that he's against what I do. He's very happy that I'm so happy doing what I love. And it's not a jealousy thing either. I honestly can't believe how lucky I am to have a boyfriend who lets me perform the way I do in public, and never hassles me for being too, umm... provocative in my performances. He has one rule: no stripping (as in, taking clothes off is fine, so long as I at least keep a top and bottom on at all times, no matter how small). Which is fine because I have no need or desire to strip anyway.


I think that in the beginning, he was pretty into the idea of his girlfriend being a pole dancer. But his interest has definitely waned over the past five years of coming to watch my shows, being made to watch clips of me performing variations of moves that only a trained eye would know were different from each other, listening to pole-itical discussions about who should have won which competition, and having to sit through hours of pole analysis every time a pole dancer comes to stay at my house. Now, the second someone mentions the word pole, his eyes glaze over.


To be really honest, the whole issue of pole has at times been a real source of conflict in our relationship. I guess it's because I want him to love it as much as I do, but at the end of the day he just doesn't. For me, pole dance is the most inspirational, sensual, beautiful, athletic display of strength, flexibility and emotion. For him, it's a bunch of people jumping around a pole in their undies.


I've asked myself many times over the years, why doesn't my boyfriend appreciate pole? I think about whether or not I could handle watching endless football games if he were a professional football player. Although I hate watching football, I think that if he were playing, I would learn to appreciate it. But then maybe I wouldn't (I really do hate football).


I can freely admit that pole dance is not just my passion, but also my obsession. I think that obsession can be a double-edged sword - it provides you with the drive you need to achieve your dreams, but at the same time, it can isolate and frustrate you. Being in a relationship with a non-pole dancer means you have to make a real effort to avoid being swallowed by your obsession, or else risk having nothing at all to talk about with normal people. As a pole instructor, I've actually seen the topic of pole dance cause relationship break-ups amongst my students. It's almost like their partners no longer recognise their new, confident, pole dancing girlfriends - and some of them decide they don't like what they see.


It's not just female pole dancers who deal with this issue. One of my male students (and incredible performer) David Helman has a partner who is not a pole dancer. David says: 

"It was particularly hard when we first met, because he didn't understand why pole came first, and why if I didn't do it I would get cranky/sad/mad. He's gotten better and he’s now more supportive, but he still feels left out if I'm with a group of pole people and we talk about tricks and moves and performances etc. He still finds it difficult to understand that I’d rather spin on a pole than go out to a party. Also it doesn't help that sometimes he’s scared to touch me because I'm always in pain in some way! Especially when I dislocated my shoulder.”

To make it fair, I called David's partner, Steven, to get his view. Steven says:

"I appreciate the sport and his love for it, and I love that he loves it so much, but it definitely impacts on our relationship. If we’re out with a group of pole people, and they’re talking about pole, the conversation is often on a completely different level and I can’t understand a thing. They’ll be talking about pole tricks, and I’m thinking what the hell is a phoenix? Some kind of bird move? I don’t always want to ask what they’re talking about because then I feel like a kid sitting at the adult’s dinner table. Sometimes can deal with it, but other times I’ll throw a tanty and go home. David wants me to be involved, and I try, but I can’t always do it. It’s hard, but we find ways to make it work." 

On this topic, my sister Maddie has a pretty good perspective, I think. She says that just because you love two things doesn't mean that if you combine them they will work well together.  She says there's nothing wrong with keeping your loves separate. I think she's right about that. But obviously, it can be hard when you want to share your excitement with the person you love, only to find them staring blankly at you as though you were speaking a different language (which possibly we are).   

And then there's the Holy Grail of pole love - two pole dancers in love, training, performing, competing and instructing together... Can such a thing exist? It can, and it does, in Suzie Q and Toby J. Those of you who have seen their doubles pole or trapeze performances know what I'm talking about - it's so beautiful to see the trust, love and magic that they put in to every one of their performances. No doubt there's a lot of yelling and shouting that goes into their training sessions, but it must be worth it to share that thrilling moment onstage together when the crowd goes wild after a performance.


Suzie Q says: "I've dated pole dancers, and non-pole dancers. I definitely appreciate the fact that another pole dancer really "gets" what I do - because he does it too!"


And Toby J adds: "I like sharing performances together - I also think it enhances the trust levels in our relationship. Plus it makes for some cool party tricks when the two of us bust out something acrobatic!"


But if your boyfriend or girlfriend would sooner have their teeth extracted un-anaesthetised than consider performing on a pole in public, you're going to have to find some other way of making sure pole doesn't become the third wheel in your relationship. 

In the world beyond pole, it's often the case that women get a bit of a social status boost from the success of their husbands. In the UK and in Australia, cricket/football WAGs (the wives and girlfriends of cricket/football players) have their own status and celebrity, which they derive solely from how nice they look sitting on the sidelines while their other halves chase a ball around for large amounts of money. Although unfortunately it doesn't really work the other way around, I think pole boyfriends and husbands deserve their own title, just like the WAGs. Let's call them Polar-BAHs.


When I was at Worlds in 2011, I had a fair amount of time backstage to do nothing but stretch and wait.  During this time, I had a bit of a chat to Nic Judd, Zoraya's partner, who is possibly one of the most supportive Polar-BAHS in the pole industry (along with Suzie Q's partner Toby J, Jenyne's partner Andrew Ball, and probably a few others I don't know about). I asked him if he got sick of all the pole events he has had to go to. He surprised me by saying something along the lines of: 


"I don't care about pole dance. It's not my thing. It's her (Zoraya's) thing. But she's my passion, and pole dance is her passion, so I make it my thing."


I can't tell you how much what Nic said affected me. All I could think was, my God, I wish my boyfriend felt that way. 


But since then, I've come to realise that what works for others doesn't always work for everyone. My boyfriend doesn't enjoy attending pole dancing events, and I'm coming to accept that I can't, and shouldn't, try to force him. He may not love pole dance per se, but he's supportive of me, and he comes to all the big competitions to be there for me. Whenever he does compliment me on a performance, I know it means that I've really killed it, because he wouldn't say so otherwise. I remind myself that if he tried to drag me along to football games every weekend, I would probably explode. And I'm pretty certain that his aversion to pole dancing means I'll never bust him going to strip clubs with his boys. 


So, until the day comes when Polar-BAHs have their own special status as the privileged partners of pole dancers, I guess I will just have to accept that the reality of being a Polar-BAH is probably a bit of a drag for most of them, or at least my boyfriend. Having to share your lady with an inanimate metal rod must be pretty tough. Especially if he suspects that, judging by the amount of time she spends embracing it, she may be more devoted to the pole than she is to him!


To my boyfriend: I love you and thank you for the support you show me in my pole pursuits. I get that you don't get pole. That's ok. But darling, can't you just fake it a little bit from time to time? For me??? ;-)


Shimmy xx


PS As you can probably tell from this post, I'm still trying to work this topic out for myself. I'd be really interested in hearing how your Polar-BAHs cope with your love of pole - so please feel free to comment and share your own story/advice :-)

From corporate suits to hotpants...

I'm a pole dancer and a lawyer. There are a surprising number of pole dancer/lawyers around (I've had two working for me at the Pole Dance Academy so far, and many more train with us). It seems to be the case that the more boring and conservative a girl's regular life is, the more of a wildcat she is once she ditches the suit and gets on the pole. It's almost as though the raunchiness of your body rolls and back arches is directly proportional to the amount of tedious paperwork you've had to do before you get to class. One thing that never fails to make me smile is watching my students arrive for class dressed neatly in their jackets, blouses and knee length skirts, only to wriggle out of their clothes and go crazy on the pole. Then at the end, they get dressed, smooth their hair and head out the door, and no one would suspect a thing (if it weren't for the tell-tale bruises, that is).

Recently I've done a couple of interviews for other blogs and youtube videos, and people always ask me how I got started with pole. My standard line is that I took a class 5 years ago and was hooked instantly, and then I usually make a joke about working in a law firm to put myself through pole school. The full story is actually a little more involved. And seeing as how this is my blog and I can write whatever I like, I'm going to write the story of how I went from being a corporate lawyer at a big city firm to being a pole dancer.

Although it had a couple of good moments, overall I hated working in a corporate environment. It was so restrictive, and I always felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. I was taking pole classes in the evening after work, and sometimes even running to the studio on my lunch break for practice time. Pole dance was such a release for me, and it felt like a secret I carried around with me, a reminder that I still had something interesting going on in my life outside the office. All the while, I was terrified that people at work would find out about my secret hobby, so I never told a soul.

In 2008, I went to watch Miss Pole Dance Australia. Sitting in the audience, I thought to myself, I would love to be up on that stage one day, dancing with those amazing women. Immediately, another thought followed - don't be ridiculous. Imagine what would happen at work if people saw photos in the newspaper of your half-naked body wrapped around a pole onstage at the Enmore Theatre. But then I thought - why is it that I'm afraid to pursue something I love, in order to ensure I can keep doing something I hate? It didn't seem to make much sense at all.

Six months later, it was time for my performance review at work, and I was sitting in the office of one of the partners. She was in the middle of telling me that people were questioning whether or not I was 110% committed to working at the firm, because of my attitude. I thought back to the 12 to 14 hour days I'd been working, and the weekends spent at the office. I thought to myself, "You're quite right. I am not 110% committed to working here. Screw you guys - I'm opening a pole studio."

So I resigned. I found another job with better hours at an amazing community legal centre that offers free legal advice to disadvantaged people (where I still work part-time). I convinced my sister that opening a pole studio together was a brilliant idea. We found a space, and with a lot of hard work, turned it into the beautiful Pole Dance Academy. I love teaching pole, and I'm so happy that I took the plunge and did it. A lot of people have since said to me that it must have taken courage to turn my back on a career as a corporate lawyer to become a professional pole dancer. But it wasn't courage. It was simply that I was so unhappy that I had no choice but to do something drastic. It's entirely possible that if I hadn't been so miserable, I would have kept on keeping on for a lot longer, and turned into one of the people I worked for.

Although I now work longer hours than ever (what with my part-time job at the legal centre, teaching pole, training, doing studio admin, competing, organising amateur competitions etc), I couldn't be happier. I work with my sister (also my best friend) Maddie, and a bunch of incredibly talented girls that I'm lucky enough to call my staff of teachers. And don't get me started on my students - they're the best part of going to work. Watching them grow as dancers (and seeing their confidence and self-esteem increase at the same rate as their muscles and flexibility) is just so much more rewarding than advising companies on corporate takeovers.

I had another moment of truth a couple of months ago. My sister Maddie and I had been booked to do a show at a 50th birthday party (the guy's girlfriend booked us - what an cool girlfriend!). I was setting up the X-Stage when I noticed the stage needed adjusting. I turned to the lady standing next to me and said "Excuse me, would you mind holding my pole for a moment?' She looked a little familiar, but I couldn't place her, so I didn't give it another thought.

It was only when I was in my red sequin bikini and stripper heels, about to head out into the middle of the party to do my thing on the pole, that I suddenly realised who she was. She was the former head partner at the law firm I used to work at. Oh God. The old me wanted to grab my clothes and hustle my ass outta there like my pants were on fire. But the new me just smiled, took a deep breath, and strutted on out there to bust out some awesome moves on the pole.

I figured she would understand - I'm just a much better pole dancer than I am a corporate lawyer.

Shimmy xx

First Blog Ever: Thick Skin

I've been wanting to create a blog about pole dance for a long time now, but I've been so busy with training and the studio that I've been putting it off. But now it's the new year, and so no more excuses. Blog time.

The first thing I want to write about is: Developing A Thick Skin. And I'm not talking about callouses (although I could - and I know we all have them - and not just on our hands... personally I think the back of the left knee is the worst place to have that calloused elephant skin ugghh). But back to the point. Developing a thick skin is something that all performers have to put a little effort into, sooner or later. As a dancer and a performer, you put everything into your performances. All your heart, emotion and energy. The thrill you get from a wildly applauding and appreciative audience is like nourishment for your soul - and part of the reason why performing is so addictive.

The flip side is of course the fact that not everybody will go wild for your performances. Some people may be left feeling nonplussed, and some may even go out of their way to let you know how much they disliked it. And let's not forget that although pole dance has come a long way in recent times and become more acceptable in polite society, it's still a fringe activity (part of the appeal, right?). Watching a pole performance can be very confronting for some people, especially if they don't feel comfortable with the sexual element of a pole performance.

I recently did a solo and a doubles performance with Matty Shields, my dance partner, in Dubbo at a festival. It was a family affair, and so I made sure to keep my show strictly G-rated and more acrobatic/circus style. After the show, we had kids asking us for our autographs (well, to be honest - they were asking Matty, after all, he's the Australia's Got Talent star - they only asked me because I was standing next to him!). A whole bunch of people approached us to tell us how awesome they thought the show was, and how surprised they were to learn that pole was so acrobatic and strength-based. All this positive feedback made us really happy, until I found out that after the show a couple of women had complained that my performance was inappropriate and shouldn't have been allowed. No one complained about Matty's performance. Double standard, maybe?

Similarly, a couple of friends of mine were recently very upset to find some extremely derogatory comments made about one of their doubles performances on Facebook. Now, most people understand that a performance is a performance, and that just because you dress up like a pirate or a monkey onstage doesn't mean that in real life you carry on like a pirate or a monkey. But people don't always get that when it comes to a sexy pole performance. To be clear - there was nothing vulgar or dirty about their doubles performance. It was an impressive doubles performance that saw them place in the competition. But someone posted on the video that it was "slutty". Pretty harsh, and very uncalled for.

All the more reason to retreat into our happy, loving, pole community, right? Maybe not. I've noticed over the years that pole dancers are becoming more critical of each other. But I don't necessarily see criticism as a bad thing in itself. As more styles of pole dance develop, people will have different views on what they like and what they don't like. That's fine. So long as people take care to express their views in a way that won't make the pole dancer in question want to cry and hang up her stilettos for good.

But you can't control what people say or think. And you can't please everyone. And nor should you try to. Think of your favourite pole dancer - the one from whom you draw inspiration and motivation. The one who sends your heart aflutter whenever she posts a new video. I bet you can name at least one or two of your pole friends who don't like her style at all. But that doesn't change the fact that you think she's amazing. Or the fact that she is amazing.

Which is where the Thick Skin comes in. It's completely normal that not everyone will like what you do. As the pole movement gains momentum, and new skills are created, it's going to get harder and harder to impress people. People will become more discerning, and competitive. Sometimes, people will comment on other people's style of dance as a way of defining their own style. An example of this is a traditional "sexy" pole dancer saying she doesn't like contemporary pole, or a former ballerina saying she hates body rolls and hair flicks. What they're really saying is that they've adopted a particular style as their favourite way to pole dance, to the exclusion of other styles. That's ok too - there's room enough in the pole world for many different ways of pole dancing, and it's quite exciting to see new styles develop and change.

So: whenever you cop an insult or a bit of negativity, just try to suck it up and remember all the gasps and smiles that you've drawn from your audience in the past - even if your only audience is your cat or your mum ;-). Don't let a snide comment or backhanded compliment ruin your passion for the pole. If you're like me, pole means way too much for you to let yourself be put off by anything.

Remember that what we do as pole dancers is exceptional. There's not many people you pass in the street who can lift their entire body weight over their head and hang from one leg. So keep at it. Shrug off the useless negativity, or if you can, take valid criticism constructively and learn from it. And surround yourself with pole dancers you respect and admire, because there's loads of them around. At the end of the day, one thing we pole dancers all have in common is that we are a pretty amazing bunch, in my view :-)

Shimmy xx