Set Your Freestyle Free...

Today I want to write about freestyling, or free dancing, as some call it. I love to freestyle, and I try to do it as often as I can. It's something that comes really naturally to me now, and it gives me such a wonderful feeling of freedom. There's nothing quite like being alone in the studio with your music, your pole and your body, expressing yourself, dancing out your emotions, and creating your art.

It sounds easy - right? Freestyling - seems like something you just do automatically. Just press play and off you go. Wheeeee! Right? Um, no. I will happily admit that there was a time when I really struggled to just let go, and dance. I felt embarrassed, and silly, even when no one was in the room.

I got to thinking about the art of freestyling a few weeks ago, because I was about to teach a workshop on Freestyle Techniques. This is because at the Pole Dance Academy, we recently ran an Intensive Summer School Program. It was a crazy 7 days worth of intensive workshops and classes catering to a range of really specific pole-related skills (handstands, sexy basics, lyrical pole dance, contemporary pole dance, how to flick your hair properly, how to dance in heels, basic acrobatics, striptease, boot camp, dirty sexy floor work, acro-lap dance - just to name a few!). The idea was that we wanted to create time to really hone the skills that you need to be a well-rounded pole dancer - and focus on all the stuff you don't always get time to work on in class. It was an awesome week of fun in the studio, and on the beach, with plenty of free time. I know I'm spruiking a little bit now, but it was so much fun and we're running it again next year too so keep an eye out for more info ;-)

Beach Acro at Pole Dance Academy's Summer School

So I was planning out my workshop, figuring out ways I could help my students improve their freestyles with some skills and techniques to make them feel more comfortable and at ease with their dancing. Halfway through, it struck me that it seemed a little bit of a paradox to talk about preparing for a freestyle. Isn't "freestyle preparation" an oxymoron? Can you really prepare for something that is supposed to be spontaneous and improvised?

The answer is yes, you can. And you should. Preparing to freestyle will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin (and stilettos). And that will improve the quality of the freestyle you do.

So here are some of my tips from my workshop. I hope they help you to feel at ease with yourself, and eventually, to set your freestyle free.

Take yourself seriously

This is the first and most important point. By taking yourself seriously I do not mean that you have to stare intensely into the camera, furrow your brow and pound the floor passionately with your fist (although if that's your thing, by all means go ahead and do it - it's your freestyle!).

What I mean is that you need to take yourself seriously enough that you are able to give yourself permission to dance. A lot of pole students seem to think that they are only entitled to freestyle once they've reached a certain level. This is just plain crazy talk - you don't need approval or permission from anyone to dance.

Just yesterday, we were lucky enough to have the fabulous choreographer and pole dancer Kelly Yvonne teach a workshop at the Pole Dance Academy. During the class, one of the girls was asked to perform her choreography for the rest of the students. Reluctantly, the student agreed. Before Kelly could play the music, the student began to apologise in advance for the mistakes she felt she was bound to make. Outraged, Kelly stopped her, crying "No! Never apologise for your movement! Never apologise for your dancing!"

Sneakily, I got out my notebook and wrote that down for my blog. It fit so perfectly with what I wanted to say. So if I can take Kelly's words and mix them with my own, it would go like this: you don't need permission from anyone but yourself to dance however you like, and you certainly don't need to apologise for the dance your body creates when you finally allow it to do what it wants to do.

You might even surprise yourself once you finally let go - the student in Kelly's workshop went on to give an incredibly beautiful mini-performance, and she had the class mesmerised. You've probably fallen in love with pole dance because you love the way it helps you to express yourself and the emotions you feel. So go ahead and express them. Don't laugh at yourself. Don't tell yourself that you're lame. Don't sigh in exasperation at any mistakes that you make. Just keep dancing.

There are so many excuses to not freestyle... I'm too uncoordinated. I'm not flexible. I have no dance background. I look silly. I'm too old. I'm too out of shape. I'm not good enough.

Just try to remember that pretty much every single pole dancer started out inflexible, uncoordinated, out of shape and silly-looking. I know I certainly did. So refuse to accept your own excuses and GET ON THAT POLE.

Take yourself seriously. 
Charlie Sky knows that pole dance is serious business.

Let yourself be carried by the music

Choose a song that you respond to on an emotional level, on that day and at that time. I have a freestyle playlist in my iPhone, and on the day I pick the one that resonates most with me at that particular time.

Dance to the music. Try to find ways to build your movement as the music builds, and bring it down when there's a quiet or softer part of your song. Don't just run through every single trick you ever learnt, try to create a flow between tricks and floor work.

Lose yourself in the music

Get off the pole!

That's right. You heard me. Step away from the pole.

During a freestyle, you need some downtime away from the pole, or you'll exhaust yourself. Another great reason to learn to love floorwork is that it will make your freestyles more interesting for others to watch. I often find that the freestyles I enjoy the most are the ones that have a lot of creative floorwork. Everyone knows I love a big old power move, but I also love to watch a dancer who can move confidently away from the pole (possibly because I'm still not 100% comfortable away from the pole myself).

So if your brain explodes at the mere thought of dancing away from the pole, let's make it sound less threatening: just try to learn how to do some things with your arms and legs away from the pole. Experiment with striking and holding poses. Change levels - go from standing to kneeling, get all the way down on the floor, and then work out how to get back up again.

And remember - floorwork is not just walking around the pole in circles over and over again. Although of course, if that's all you can think of to do in the moment, do that. It's better than stopping in despair and staring mournfully at yourself in the mirror or banging your head against the pole repeatedly.

There's plenty to do off the pole - don't be scared!

Film yourself. And watch yourself. And don't squirm uncomfortably inside while you watch yourself.

Filming yourself and then playing it back is without question THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE. Even if you hate watching yourself, do it. Try to be a fair critic of your performance. By that I mean be as objective as you can, and recognise the good things you did, as well as the bad.

I know that when watching yourself, you will always spot the flexed foot, the bent leg or the awkward landing, but try not to focus too much just on the mistakes. Look for what you like, and try to replicate it in your next freestyle. And try to avoid making same the mistakes you've just made.

Watching your own freestyle can be a rollercoaster of emotions.

Don't stop. Whatever you do, just don't stop.

You're 2 minutes and 45 seconds into your song, and you stuff something up. Everything was going so well, and then you stumbled. It feels like the whole freestyle is now lost and completely irretrievable. So you stop dancing and throw yourself down on the studio floor and say "This is so stupid! I suck! I'm going back to yoga."

Noooooo! Don't stop! Don't go back to yoga! Keep going!

You have to keep going, for 3 reasons:

1. Your freestyle will never be perfect, so stop thinking it has to be perfect. You're allowed to make a couple of little mistakes (or even big ones). The purpose of the freestyle is not to create a perfect piece, but rather to practice dancing without choreography. So don't let yourself be put off. Keep going. Dance through it.

2. Another excellent reason for not stopping is stamina and endurance building. It's really hard to pole dance non-stop for 3 or 4 minutes, and you will never be able to do unless you actually do it. So keep dancing, and get stronger.

3. The third, and perhaps more persuasive reason is this: I can't even begin to count the number of times I have disobeyed the above golden rule, and stopped halfway through a freestyle. Then, when I've gone to watch to video afterwards, I've found that the massive and inexcusable error was actually nothing more than a nano-second of a wobble. Sometimes, I've actually groaned out loud watching the video because what felt like a mistake was actually what looks like a really cool and interesting transition, and I'd abandoned the freestyle for no reason. Some of the best tricks were the result of a fall into an awkward position that turned out to be an awesome move... So you never know! Keep dancing and hope for the best.

Have a couple of tricks up your sleeve

Don't think that you need to go into your freestyle with zero clue as to what you're going to do next. It's not cheating to know that you want to showcase one or two particular moves in your freestyle.

I usually have an idea of a few combos or tricks that I want to use, and then what happens in between is the freestyle.

Don't rush

Take your time. Be sure that you finish off each move, each gesture and extension before you move on to the next trick. Time may feel like it's dragging, but force yourself to hold poses for slightly longer than you want to. It gives the audience (or your video camera) a chance to admire what you're doing.

Haters gonna hate

You might just keep your freestyles all to yourself, or maybe you'll share them with friends, your partner, your mum, or maybe you'll throw them out there to cyberspace and see what happens. If you do choose to make them public, you have to be prepared for the wild, weird, sometimes wonderful, sometimes hateful world of youtube and Facebook comments. People can be really supportive and generous, but they can also be really cruel (and sometimes random, like the guy who inexplicably wrote the comment below on one of my videos). Don't let the negative comments get you down. If they do, check out my blog post on the topic.

Whatever, weirdo.

And remember - practice makes perfect

Make time to freestyle as often as you can. I would say at least every week. The more you do it, the less awkward it feels, and the more accustomed you will come to moving without knowing where you're going.

I wanted to get some input from other pole dancers, to see what they thought. So I reached out to Natasha Wang, because she is an amazing and poetic performer, and also because she's sitting right behind me as I write this in my living room, so it was convenient :-).

Natasha says:

"The more often you free dance, the more easily you will be able to let yourself move to the music and improve the flow you create. You need to do it all the time - it's a skill like anything else, and you'll lose it if you don't practice it."

For some inspiration, below are two videos. The first is a recent freestyle, one that I'm quite happy with. I have other videos that are more tricks-based, but I chose this one specifically because there is a lot of posing away from the pole and floor work, as well as pole tricks.

Below it is an old freestyle, from when I first opened the Pole Dance Academy and really began to freestyle regularly. It's funny watching an old video of myself, I think there's a big difference (I hope you do too!), and I think the difference comes from practising freestyling. I mean, obviously over the course of three years I have improved in terms of strength, flexibility and tricks, but the flow and confidence of the freestyle only comes with practice. Watch the second one closely - something goes quite wrong for me at one point, but like a good little freestyler I kept going! See if you can spot what it was ;-)

Recent freestyle:

Old freestyle:

Look closely at 2 minutes 10 seconds. I actually hit my head on the ceiling beam, but in keeping with the golden rule of freestyle, I didn't stop. Did you notice that I'd whacked my head??

Conclusion

You have a right to dance! So go on. Let yourself dance. Give yourself permission to move to music with purpose and passion. It's ok to make mistakes and to feel silly and awkward. It gets better, and eventually, it will feel less like pulling teeth and more like freedom :-).

So now you know what you gotta do. You gotta fight. For your right. To freeeeestyle!

Shimmy xxx

PS One final but random tip. I like to freestyle with clean hair. It swishes better that way. So I always wash it the morning of a potential freestyle day. This is my last random tip for you.

A Foreigner's Guide to Australian Pole Dancing

Over the past month or so, Australia has been lucky enough to welcome to our sunny shores some fabulous international pole talent. There have been (and continue to be) a number of fantastic pole camps, including the Australian Summer Pole Camp on the Gold Coast, the upcoming WA Pole Camp and the East Coast Pole Cruise (which will take place onboard a cruise ship – with waterslides! I’m VERY excited about that). We have also had Miss Pole Dance Australia, and the Australian Pole Championships. It’s been a massive month or two for Australian pole dance. We’ve had Michelle Stanek, Marion Crampe, Josiah Badazz Grant, Anastasia and Evgeny, Laura Martin, and we will soon be seeing Natasha Wang, Kelly Yvonne, Sergia Louise Anderson, Venessa Clack, Nadia Shariff and probably many more pole stars.

Sydney has crazy real estate/rental prices, so having the luxury of a spare room is quite rare. But I have one! So I’ve had the good fortune to be able to host many of the inspirational and talented pole dancers who arrive in Sydney. After many conversations with international pole stars about pole dancing, we inevitably get around to the topic of why Australian pole dance is so different from international styles. 

And it's true that we do things a little differently Down Under... I mean, we are perfectly capable of arty, pretty, contemporary routines. A lot of us perform like that regularly. But every now and again, we like to bust out some crazy, Aussie-style pole shows, the likes of which don't seem to really occur elsewhere in the world.

So it strikes me as important for international pole relations to draft a document that sets out some important principles behind the way we do things round here.

1. The Weather

It gets hot in Australia in the summer time. Really hot. In the winter time, it gets cold. This may seem easy enough to understand. However, Australians live in complete denial about the fact that it gets cold in Australia in winter (especially Sydney-siders). We really do believe that it’s warm all year round, and that the cold weather is an aberration. When it’s not summer, we all act like the cold weather is strange and unusual (even though the same thing happens every single year).

I believe that part of this strange denial stems from the fact that Australians don’t like to wear a lot of clothes. In the summer, people walk around in public pretty much half naked. We love it. It’s just how we roll. We sunbake topless at the beach. We wear shorts so short you can see where leg becomes bum. We wear Daisy Dukes that are pretty much just denim underpants. Bikini tops and monokinis are fine to wear to a nightclub (provided of course that you have your denim underpants on as well).

So as you can see, for most Aussies (and again, Sydney-siders in particular), being half-naked in public is a non-issue.

Which means that it’s only natural that Aussie pole dancers have to go a bit further to shock and awe. Which brings me to my next point.

2. She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny…

Aussie pole dancers are renowned for wearing pole outfits so tiny that the audience spends most of their time wondering how on earth the pole dancer’s costume is staying in place.

I recently stumbled upon a conversation thread on Facebook that made me laugh.

Tips for keeping everything in place...

Now, I don’t want to give away my Aussie sisters’ secrets… But here are a few tips.

• Have faith. 
• In my experience, paranoia tells you your knickers have moved when they have not. Further more, if you’re up on stage, no one can really see anyway. So just relax.
• Double bag it. 
• Wear two pairs of knickers, or a g-string under your costume. I personally prefer to wear a pair of knickers that match the cut of my costume, rather than a g-string.
• Double sided tape on your bum cheeks. 
• Look, you can of course use tape if you want to, but my preference is not to use it. This is because I once did, and it didn’t hold. And then not only did the audience see my butt cheeks (which is fine by me), they also saw two pieces of sticky tape covered in costume fluff stuck on my butt (which I am not ok with). Although some people use it with success - I was able to lend a hand to the lovely Miss Filly in a crotch emergency once. I gave her a couple of strips of double sided tape to keep her itsy bitsy silver bikini in place - and it worked (only just!).
• Hairspray on your bum cheeks. 
• Never tried this - I don’t think it would withstand any kind of power pole move, but just for the sake of completeness I’m including it.
• Strapping tape right down the middle of your Hoo Ha. 
• You need to be a brave woman to go down this path… and a waxed/lasered woman too! I have never done this, but Aussie pole stars Jedda J Jordan and Fontaine swear by it. Jedda says “If your costume moves, no one sees anything – just like a Barbie!!” NB: Having a drink or two before attempting to remove the tape is recommended…

The Foni Fanny, named after it's inventor, Fontaine (left).
Not telling you who is modelling the Foni Fanny on the right!

And of course, sometimes, in spite of your best efforts, your costume might move a bit… you may not even notice! Hopefully the audience doesn’t notice either. And with a bit of luck, there will be no photos on Facebook to record the incident. 

Hmm, I wonder who this poor girl is?? I've blurred her face out so no one will recognise her... Right?? Except maybe my boyfriend. I mean her boyfriend! Oops ;-)

3. Pole SPECTACULARS!!!

If you have ever been to an Australian pole dance competition, you might notice a few key differences. I have compiled a list of key features that are common to many Australian pole dance competitor’s shows.

A. At least one costume change onstage. Possibly more.

The general rule is to start big, and go small. Amber Ray is the queen of the massive costume, which is stripped away to reveal a very tiny costume underneath. Fontaine broke with tradition this year at Miss Pole Dance Australia, and actually went the other way – she started small and then PUT CLOTHES ON! Wild. No one knew what to think.

Amber Ray follows the traditional Aussie formula:
Massive costume to tiny costume.

Some tips on costume removal onstage: if something can go wrong, it will. If it is possible for laces to knot, or hooks to get stuck, THEY WILL. Taking clothes off onstage gracefully is way harder than it looks. Take note: VELCRO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND.

Check out my sister Maddie rocking the velcro at 0:45.

B. Music Mega Mixes

In Australia, one song is never enough. Heck, two songs aren’t even enough! We love the mega mix here. Not only can we pole dance, we can all mix music like pro DJs (well, ok, maybe amateur DJs). At the MPDA heats last year, I used 5 songs in my mega mix. Yes. Five. And I did 3 costume changes. Three. 

We also like voice overs. I’ve done them (check out my video below), Suzie Q has done them, Cleo has done them, my sister Maddie has done them, the list goes on. 

Here is an example of a voice over - my Earthquake routine from MPDA NSW this year. 

Speaking of voice overs, Amber Ray once did a live voice over. In the middle of a cheerleader themed routine, she actually belted out a cheer. It was amazing. Check it out:

C. Pyrotechnics, smoke machines, fog machines, sharks with frickin laser beams…

If you’ve ever watched a Miss Pole Dance Australia opening number, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Pyrotechnics are a must, no matter what the cost. This year, MC Maxi Shields suffered singed eyelashes and a melted wig when she was caught in a blast of flames onstage. But the show must go on.

LASER BEAMS!

And who could forget Summer’s fireworks from her shoes? I don’t think anyone was expecting that!

This was even more amazing in real life. 

D. Over the top themes reminiscent of drag shows

We are not known for our subtlety. We like our themes, and we like them big, bold, and often, just plain weird. Some noteworthy themes in recent years:

- Oompa Loompa

- Beverley Hills 90210

- Grid Iron Football Player

- Disney characters (Little Mermaid, Princess Jasmine, Cinderella, Poison Ivy)

- Miss Universe Beauty Pageant contestant

- And so on

Below is a photo montage of some typically fabulous, crazy and wild Aussie pole dancer costumes.

There were so many good ones I had to do another montage.... I could easily do a third...

Justine McLucas is kind of a bit of a faux-Aussie Pole Dancer, seeing as how she ditched us for London... But technically, I guess it's ok for me to include her... Just goes to show that you can take the pole dancer out Australia, but you can't take the Australia out of the pole dancer!

E. Miscellaneous features

In case you hadn't noticed, we like to do the splits a lot. We also feel quite comfortable in our stripper heels, and some of us are perfectly happy to perform acrobatics such as cartwheels, backflips, backward walkovers and handstand drop splits in them (yes Chelle and Summer, I'm talking to you ladies). 

Me at MPDA this year, about to do a backward walkover drop split. Boom.

And you might have noticed that we're all a bit partial to a well-executed hair flick...

A warning to all foreigners venturing Down Under...

I wanted to finish off this guide with a cautionary tale to foreigners planning a pole adventure in Australia. Strange things can happen to you once you arrive... You may find that you lose your inhibitions, and start doing things you might not otherwise have done... The Aussie spirit really is contagious, so make sure you're fully prepared for what might happen to you! 

And just remember... What happens Down Under, stays on Facebook... FOREVER!! Muahahahaha....

Shimmy xxx

PS A thank you to Brad Edwards, Chris Misztur, Matt Granger for the photos, and thanks to the pole dancers for letting me post pics of you!

PPS What's your favourite thing about Australian pole dancers??? Keep it clean please ;-)

My life is so weird sometimes...

My life has changed a lot since I became a professional pole dancer. By now, I'm getting used to some of the stranger things that are just part and parcel of the the daily grind of the pro pole dancer's life. But every now and again, something happens that makes me sit back and think, wow, now that was weird. Here are a few recent examples. 

Topless Waiter Emergency!

On the weekend, we had an emergency at the Pole Dance Academy. A serious emergency. The topless waiter/life drawing model we had booked for a hen's/bachelorette party we were hosting at the studio went MIA on us. Just didn't show up. How unprofessional! I mean, I understand that topless waiting and posing nude for tipsy hens is probably not his life goal, but at the same time, if you commit to something, either do it properly or don't do it at all. Whether it be driving a taxi, extracting teeth, mowing lawns, herding sheep or getting your willy out for a bunch of shrieking women, take pride in your work!

Anyway, so Mr No-Show really left us in a bind. We had eleven women waiting for the naked man they had been promised. My sister Maddie and I weren't sure what to do. So we sat down on the couch, and rang our regular and trusted topless waiter agency, Topless Events (who we should have stuck with, instead of trying a new agency!). No luck. So we tried some others. No good either. No one could help.

This was all we needed. Too much to ask for???

Next step: we got out our mobile phones and called every single guy we knew who we thought might be up for it. None of them were available. However, they did give us phone numbers of people who might be game. So, armed with the phone numbers of a few poor unsuspecting Sydney men, we began cold calling them. The conversations went along these lines:

Me: "Oh hi there. My name is Shimmy. Ah, I mean, Michelle. So, we don't actually know each other, but I got your number from Yvette, who works for us." 

Sean: "Oh yeah, I know Yvette. What can I do for you?" 

Me: "Well, don't be offended, but, um, we have something of an emergency here... We really need a man who would be happy to serve some drinks topless, and then get naked for 10 or so women to draw him. Yvette thought you might be up for it." 

Sean: "Ahh, no, sorry, I can't." 

Me: "Um, ok. Would it make a difference if we paid cash?" 

Sean: "Nope." 

Me: "Ok, I understand. Well, have a nice afternoon." 

Sean: "Wait - I have a mate who might do it..." 

Me: "Great! Can I have his number?"

I passed the phone on to Maddie at this point. She made the next call.

Maddie: "Hi, is this Nick?" 

Nick: "Yes. Who is this?" 

Maddie: "My name is Maddie, and I hope this doesn't sound weird, but we really need a man who would be happy to serve some drinks topless, and then get naked for a bunch of women to draw him. We got your number from Sean." 

Nick: "From Sean? You know Sean?" 

Maddie: "No, we don't actually know Sean, but we just spoke to him on the phone, and he said you might be interested."

[Some confusion followed. As it turned out, Nick was Dutch, and didn't speak English very well. Maddie had to repeat to him a few times exactly what it was that we wanted. Eventually, Nick got the drift.]

Nick: "But I have never done this before." 

Maddie: "No worries at all! It's easy! You just sit there, and the girls draw! You'll love it." 

Nick: "Can I keep my boxers on?" 

Maddie: "No, unfortunately not." 

Nick: "Well, I don't know." 

Maddie: "Please? You'd be doing us a massive favour!" 

Nick: "Well, ok, I guess. What's the address?"

Maddie got off the phone and looked at me. 

"I feel so bad!" She said. "I've just convinced him in 5 minutes to make a big decision about becoming a stripper!" 

"No time to worry about that," I said. "We have to hurry. Those hens will be getting angry if they don't see a naked man soon! Anyway, it's life modelling, not stripping. It's all for the sake of art. He'll be fine."

So we jumped in the car and raced to the studio, hoping to get there before Nick, so we could brief him on how to get brief-less. 

We got there just in time. Nick arrived, straight from Bondi Beach, where he'd been relaxing on the sand when he got our random phone call. Nick was nervous. Particularly because, as he explained to me, when he got nervous: "it gets smaller". I told him not to worry about that and ushered him into the room, praying that the girls would be gentle with him.  

As it turned out, Nick had a great time. Not only did he enjoy being a "life model", the girls were also obviously quite happy with what they saw, because Nick scored a phone number off one of the girls. He even offered us his services again should we have another such emergency. So all's well that ends well. 

But still, cold calling random men to ask them to come get naked for you is a little weird. Like, very weird. I was just surprised at how hard it was to find one who would do it!

I put this in black and white because, as everyone knows that if it's black and white, it's art.

 

Famous on TV

One of the fun things about this job is you never know what each day is going to bring. One day, I got an email from a casting agent asking if the Pole Dance Academy girls would be interested in auditioning for a television commercial for a big sportswear brand. The product was a new type of shoe that is supposed to give you a better bum (I think we all know how gullible you would have to be to believe that, but anyway). 

My sister and I were both free, so we packed a bag with some sequin bikinis and stripper shoes, and set off. 

When we got to the audition, we were told that unfortunately they hadn't been able to organise a pole. My sister and I exchanged glances.

Me: "So if there's no pole, how do you want us to pole dance for you?" 

Casting agent: "Well, we've cleared a space in the middle of the room, so if you can just sort of show us what you've got, without a pole, that would be great."

Me: "OK. I guess we can just do some floor work or something. Where can I plug my iPod in?"

Casting agent: "Yeah, so unfortunately we don't actually have any music capability here."  

Me: "No music?"

Casting agent: "No." 

Me: "So you want us to pole dance for you with no pole, and no music?"

Casting agent: "Yeah, that's right." 

Me: (rolls eyes) 

The audition itself was one of the most awkward things I've ever done. Picture a small room with no windows, two female casting agents operating a camera, me in a bikini "pole dancing without a pole", and no sound other than the hum of fluorescent lights and my own breathing. AWKWARD. 

We didn't even get the job. Possibly because the consumer watchdog got on to them about making false claims about the butt-lifting effects of their sneakers... Or possibly because they found someone else who could pole dance without a pole better than we could. Sigh.

Pole gigs can be such a drag... 

One of my boyfriend's friends was about to turn 40, and he wanted to celebrate in style. So he hired the penthouse floor of the fanciest nightclub in Sydney, and invited a hundred or so of his closest friends. He had a whole swag of entertainment acts for the night, including Maddie, Yvette and me. He told us that his favourite singers were Madonna and George Michael, and gave us a list of his favourite songs.

We got a bit carried away, and choreographed a massive mega-mix medley of Madonna and George Michael songs, which of course included a re-enactment of George's arrest for having sex in a public toilet. I have to say that even though at first it felt a little strange pole dancing in chaps whilst rocking a moustache and chest hair.... um, I kinda liked it... Plus I think I made a great man. What do you think?

Me as George Michael

George Michael being taken in by Constables Yvette and Maddie

In fact, the more I think I about it, the more I'm beginning to think we should have ditched Nick and used me for the topless waiter emergency! I mean, it's not like I have boobs or anything... hahaha maybe not.

Let me teach you how to be sexy...

We got asked to do a hens party for a lovely bunch of girls, who had hired a suite in a city hotel for their celebrations. They didn't have the hotel's permission to put up the pole, so we said we'd teach them some burlesque basics and lap dance moves instead. 

The girls were very enthusiastic, particularly the hen. She was very interested in learning how to do a sexy chair dance for her future husband. Now, I pride myself on my chair dance and lap dance skills. It's something that I consider to be a real art form, and I take it very seriously. 

So imagine my distress when, halfway through teaching the hen a very sexy back bend off the lap of her lucky man, I suddenly found myself flat on my back on the floor, legs akimbo with the chair on top of me. The girls all shrieked, and began fussing over me to make sure I was ok.

Ever the professional, I tried to act all nonchalant about it. 

"Girls, I'm fine. I was just trying to demonstrate to you how not to do it, and some of the things that can go wrong when you're attempting a lap dance. You can really hurt yourself, so you have to be careful. And yes, as you see from my back, carpet burn is a real risk."

How it's meant to look.

Cries for help 

Ah, Facebook. The best way to link in with people who can help you to master the life skills you need to survive in your world. In a moment of cyber-serendipity, as I was writing this blog, I received a desperate plea for guidance from one of my facebook friends:

Hey Shimmy,
I thought I would ask you this as I have been practising my Booty skills since your workshop. You know the stance you had us in where we are standing, holding the pole and with our feet flat on the ground, you get us to stick our butts out and shake our knees in & out? Is that the right movement? I feel as though I am shaking my knees left & right rather quickly and feeling the reverberation in my butt... 

The whole point of this is to make my butt cheeks & backs of thighs look like they are vibrating?? 

Also, been practising pinching each butt cheek individually. This is where you had us sit on the floor with our legs spread and get us to clench each butt cheek.
I find when I do this move, I can feel my knees popping as I clench each side...is this still clenching the butt muscles? Can be kind of hard to see in the mirror sometimes... 

Is this the right way to go about it? Is this something that needs practising to be able to see the butt muscles move?
Thanks so much, Shimmy!~

 To which I reply:   

Hi there! 

Yes that's right, but make sure you keep your legs straight and your knees locked, and it should look like your butt cheeks are almost clapping.

As for the butt "clenching", it's not in your knees, its in your thighs and butt cheeks.
Keep it up!!

PS I'm writing a blog about the funny things that happen in a pole dancer's life, and it strikes me that getting messages like this is pretty funny. Would you give me permission to copy and paste your message?
xxx

(She did).

 

And the moral of the story is...

That even though my life is crazy and weird, that's exactly how I like it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a very happy pole dancer.

Shimmy xxx